Best 11+ Funny Children Jokes

Best 11+ Funny Children Jokes

Best 11+ Funny Children Jokes...

Are you looking for Best and Latest Funny Children Jokes? Click here to Read the Best Children Jokes at ZeroWish.Com | Read and Share with Your Friends...

Nothing Negative Please

Now a days teachers are not allowed to say or write anything negative... A few interesting letters from teachers to get around this.......

Dear Parent,
We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated.

Yours anxiously,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your child's distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him?

Yours entreatingly,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony.

Yours beseechingly,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your child submitted a blank paper for last week's science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said 'Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference'. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?

Yours plaintively,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday's test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero.

Yours desperately,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
We are impressed by your child's knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks.

Yours wretchedly,
Teacher

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Explaining Poo

A little boy asks his dad "Where does poo come from?" His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up.

"Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo."

"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tiger come from?"

|------ Children Jokes ------|

 

 

Cuss Words

A preacher was making a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine. As he was pounding away, he noticed that a little boy was watching him.

The youngster did not say a word, so the preacher kept working. He was sure the lad would soon leave but he didn't.

Pleased at the thought that his work was being admired, the preacher finally said, "Well, son, trying to pick up some pointers on carpentry work?"

"Nope. I'm just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer."

|------ Children Jokes ------|

 

 

What Kids Say About Beer

Handful of 7 year Old Children were asked: What they thought of beer?
Some interesting responses:

"I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my Mom gets."
--Tim, 7 years old

"Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice."
--Mellanie, 7 years old

"My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties and gallops around, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny."
--Grady, 7 years old

''My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing."
--Toby, 7 years old

"My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much."
--Sarah, 7 years old

"My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool"
--Lilly, 7 years old

"I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting."
--Ethan, 7 years old

"I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep."
--Shirley, 7 years old

"My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense."
--Jack, 7 years old

|------ Children Jokes ------|

 

 

How To Get Into Heaven

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven"?

"NO"! the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!!!"

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, they all answered, "NO!!!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven???"

A six-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE FRICKIN' DEAD!"

|------ Children Jokes ------|

 

 

Name That Baby

When Donna found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.

But her 4-year-old son overheard some of his parents' private conversations.

One day when Donna and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"

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Do It Again!!!

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically.

He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die.

No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Daddy, do it again!!!"

|------ Children Jokes ------|

 

 

Back to School Science

The following are actual submissions on a series of quizzes, tests, and essays.

"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."

"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

"The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."

|------ Children Jokes ------|

 

 

It's Snack Time!

A guy was packing for a business trip and his five year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed helping her Daddy pack for his big trip.

At one point she giggled and said, "Daddy, Daddy... Look at this," and stuck out two of her little fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained and enjoying her playful mood, he reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers, nom nom nom..." pretending to eat them and then went back to packing for his trip.

He couldn't help but notice how quiet she had become and looked up to see his is daughter standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated and bewildered look on her face.

He looked at her and said, "What's wrong, honey? Daddy was just playing. I would never really eat your fingers!" and let out a little giggle.

She replied, "I know you were just playing Daddy but what happened to my boogie?

|------ Children Jokes ------|

 

 

Raffle Ticket

I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a raffle ticked for a brand new car.

When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car.

We all cried especially me... because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity... and my dad beat the crap out of me again

|------ Children Jokes ------|

 

 

No Longer a Virgin

Pauly's family is at dinner, the 10-year-old daughter isn't eating much, and she just keeps her head down.

After a few minutes, she says, "I have something to tell you."

Everyone gets silent and they all listen.

"I am no longer the virgin I used to be." And she begins to cry.

A long silence, and Mr Pauly speaks to Mrs Pauly, "It's your fault, you know, always dressed and made up like a tramp. You think that's an example for your daughter? Always wallowing on the sofa; it's just terrible; that's why problems like this come up!"

Then Mrs Pauly lights in on Mr Pauly, "And you! Do you think that you're a good example? Wasting your scrawny paycheck with your drinking buddies who even come drunk into the house - do you think that's a good example for a little girl 10 years old?"

Then Pauly charges back in, "And her sister, that no-good, with her hairy and dope-crazed boyfriend, always with their hands all over each other - you think that's a good example too?"

And it goes on and on, back and forth. Then the grandmother hugs the little girl to console her and asks, "Now, darling, how did this happen?

And the little girl answers, trying to hold back her sobbing, "Father Michael chose another girl to be the Virgin in the Christmas pageant this year."

|------ Children Jokes ------|

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