Best 10+ Funny Computer Science Jokes

Best 10+ Funny Computer Science Jokes

Best 10+ Funny Computer Science Jokes...

Funny Computer Science Jokes | Computer networking jokes | stupid computer jokes | apple computer jokes | computer hardware jokes | good computer jokes | computer it jokes | funny computer science jokes | computer virus jokes | computer jokes clean | computer nerd jokes | Computer Engineering jokes | Funny Computer jokes | Enjoy & Share with your Friends...

Computers are Like Men...

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

They hear what you say, but not what you mean.

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

Computers are Like Women...

No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

You Might Be a Computers' Support Technician if...

  • When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

  • You dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.

  • You are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.

  • After fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

  • You get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.

  • You look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.

  • You look for the undo command after making a mistake.

  • You disdain people who use low baud rates.

  • You know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use.

  • You can understand sentences with four or more acronyms in them.

  • You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

  • You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

  • You see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and you have no idea it is referring to drugs.

  • You know without a doubt that diskettes come in five-and-a-quarter and three-and-a-half inch sizes.

  • You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track pad.

  • You are zen-like in your acceptance of users, realizing that there is no limit to the depths of cluelessness, and yet you help them anyway.

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

Things You Don't Want to Hear Your System Administrator Saying:

  • NO! Not that button!

  • Do you smell something?

  • I have never seen it do that before...

  • Save your work, everyone. FAST!

  • What do you mean you needed that directory?

  • Where did you say those backup tapes were kept?

  • The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.

  • I cleaned up the root partition and now there's lots of free space.

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

Computer Messages: what they say and what they mean by it

Press Any Key.

Press any key you like but I'm not moving.

Press A Key.

Nothing happens unless you press the 'A' key.

Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E...

... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem.

Installing program to C:...

... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:windows and c:windowssystem where you'll NEVER find them.

Not enough memory.

I don't CARE if you've got 64 MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K.

Cannot read from drive D:...

...however, if you put the CD in right side up...

Please Wait...

...indefinitely.

Directory does not exist...

....any more. Woops.

The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close.

....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back.

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

Top Explanations by Programmers

  • I've never heard about that.

  • It did work yesterday.

  • How is this possible?

  • The machine seems to have a malfunction.

  • Has the operating system been updated?

  • The user has made an error again.

  • There is something wrong in your data.

  • I have not touched that module!

  • You must have the wrong executable.

  • Oh, it's just a feature.

  • Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.

  • It will be done in no time at all.

  • It's just some unlucky coincidense.

  • I can't test everything!

  • THIS can't do THAT.

  • Didn't I fix it already?

  • It's already there, but it has not been tested.

  • Somebody must have changed my code.

  • There must be a virus in the application software.

  • This time it will surely run.

  • I just found the last bug.

  • Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.

  • According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

Computer Problem Questionnaire

  • Describe your problem.

  • Now, describe the problem accurately.

  • Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem.

  • Is your computer plugged in?

  • Is it turned on?

  • Have you tried to fix it yourself?

  • Have you made it worse?

  • Have you read the manual?

  • Are you sure you've read the manual?

  • Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?

  • Do you think you understood it?

  • If 'Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?

  • What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

  • If 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in.

  • Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem?

  • Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?

  • Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me?

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

Real Stories from a Virtual World

  • Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

  • Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

  • A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels.

  • A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.

  • A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.

  • A customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the screen and pressing the "send" key.

  • A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the man said. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

  • A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and washed them individually.

  • A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

  • An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

  • Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

If computer errors were written as haikus

Three things are certain:

Death, taxes and lost data.

Guess which has occurred.

 

The file you need

might be very useful.

But now it is gone

 

Windows NT crashed.

I am the Blue Screen of Death.

No one hears your screams.

 

Yesterday it worked.

Today it is not working.

Windows is like that.

 

Chaos reigns within.

Reflect, repent, reboot.

Order shall return.

 

Wind catches lily,

scattering petals to the ground.

Segmentation fault.

 

With searching comes loss

and the presence of absence:

File not found.

 

The Web site you seek

cannot be located but

endless others exist.

 

You step in the stream,

but the water has moved on.

This page is not here.

 

Stay the patient course.

Of little worth is your ire.

The network is down.

 

No keyboard present.

Press F1 to continue.

Zen engineering.

 

This site has moved.

We'd tell you where, but then

we'd have to delete you.

 

First snow, then silence.

This thousand dollar screen dies

so beautifully.

 

Printer not ready.

Could be a fatal error.

Have a pen handy?

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

 

The 8 Types of Supporters

  • The Eager Beaver: "Sure, I can write an emulation program by this afternoon ... one of those new boxes? I'd sure like to get my fingers into one. I think I know where there's one just down the hall ... "

  • The Know-it-All: "Well, I could tell you how to do that ... but I think I could recommend a better approach ... "

  • The New Kid: "Do you have a dog? ... My name? I'll have to get back to you on that."

  • The Psycho: "READ MY LIPS, YOU BOZO! Are you STUPID or something?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

  • The Counselor: "Oh my. Oh dear. Uh huh ... yes ... and then what happened? ... yes, I have plenty of time ... oh, no, no problem, that's my job ... "

  • The Intimidator: "Why did you do THAT?! Haven't you had any TRAINING?! Don't you know Section 5.1.2.1.1 of the IEEE spec?!"

  • The Veteran: "Oh! That's there for backward compatibility. They added it in rev 2.00.03 but they didn't document it."

  • The Crispy Critter: "I don't know. I don't care. Your problem, that says it all, I have my own to take care of. Why are you using this product, anyway?"

|------ Compute Support Staff Jokes ------|

 

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